A complaint to the College from a lady who thinks I am a Goat Rustler, and thinks that the College should get involved.
Goats and docs and ...
Welcome to my page on some truly monumental stupidity on the part of the College of Physicians and Surgeons of B.C.
One of many, which will soon be shown upon this site.
This one is about me, two old goats (literally), and and an institution which seems to have lost it's mind ...
Please not the official stamp of the College of Physicians and Surgeons of B.C., and the page number - 823 , and all sorts of other official endorsements....
Which means that there are at least 822 pages of interesting information to come .....
Welcome to my page on some truly monumental stupidity on the part of the College of Physicians and Surgeons of B.C.
One of many, which will soon be shown upon this site.
This one is about me, two old goats (literally), and and an institution which seems to have lost it's mind ...
Please not the official stamp of the College of Physicians and Surgeons of B.C., and the page number - 823 , and all sorts of other official endorsements....
Which means that there are at least 822 pages of interesting information to come .....
So, here is my story .....
It was once upon a sparkling summers day, long long ago when the world was shiney-new, and when I was in the throes of both innocent and carnal love ( with a woman ! ) , that I had an adventure involving two goats.
Old, ugly, decrepit goats. Smelly too !
But I developed a fondness for them the way one loves a pair of old shoes, or a wife of 42 years ! ( Over even a smelly T shirt of 42 years -for those of us who lack spouses ! )
It was once upon a sparkling summers day, long long ago when the world was shiney-new, and when I was in the throes of both innocent and carnal love ( with a woman ! ) , that I had an adventure involving two goats.
Old, ugly, decrepit goats. Smelly too !
But I developed a fondness for them the way one loves a pair of old shoes, or a wife of 42 years ! ( Over even a smelly T shirt of 42 years -for those of us who lack spouses ! )
Those who have never stared deeply into they eyes of a goat know not what mystery lingers there. The hypnotic horizontal pupil creates both mystery and unease. Anyone who remains unchanged by staring into a goat has no soul. In my humble opinion !
At that time, as a result of some sin, more imagined than real, I was not at work healing the sick and injured nor fighting the forces of death. According to my lawyers ( who think that they are never wrong ) I was officially not really a doctor at all. But one does not need to be practicing the second oldest profession to develop a predilection for bovine beauty.
That fateful sunny morning I and my human love went for a ramble out past Harrison Hot Springs. And upon the long drive home happened upon a small farm having its own version of a garage sale. Including two smelly and snaggle - toothed old goats !
$30 for the pair. It seemed like a bargain.
$30 for the pair. It seemed like a bargain.
Me sainted muther and her goat !
My dear departed muther, may god rest her soul, grew up patch of sod in the aulde country, and they had goats. And hence were oft referred to as the "Goaty McArdles".
So, it was purest random destiny that I found myself in a complicated relationship with two somewhat insolent walking garbage disposals !
Muther would have been proud !
So, it was purest random destiny that I found myself in a complicated relationship with two somewhat insolent walking garbage disposals !
Muther would have been proud !
Like many poor souls among us, I tremble at the thought of unvarnished affection. Hence, when the goats 1rst approached me I felt the first pangs of guilt about uncomfortable and unrequitable love.
But not to worry. My goats were neither needy, as dogs are, nor insultingly aloof, and horses and cats may oft be.
Yet whenever I showed up, they immediately approached and gave me attention.
But not to worry. My goats were neither needy, as dogs are, nor insultingly aloof, and horses and cats may oft be.
Yet whenever I showed up, they immediately approached and gave me attention.
Goats kept trying to eat me
Mainly to see if any part of my clothing was digestable !
They chewed on my shoe laces. The nibbled on the cuff of my pants. They took the occasional daring bite at my sleeves. They sniffed and snuffled and nibbled their wicked way with me. And while I was deemed somewhat palatable, they seemed more interested in fragments of sun - baked tarpaulin.
They chewed on my shoe laces. The nibbled on the cuff of my pants. They took the occasional daring bite at my sleeves. They sniffed and snuffled and nibbled their wicked way with me. And while I was deemed somewhat palatable, they seemed more interested in fragments of sun - baked tarpaulin.
People actually sell goats at garage sales, etc...
Enraptured by the thought of two organic, self -propelled lawn mowers who would never burden me with unnecessary affection, I succumbed to temptation.
I paid $30
I bought myself two goats.
From the Crazy Goat Lady !
I paid $30
I bought myself two goats.
From the Crazy Goat Lady !
On of my lawn mowers/hedge trimmers
Delighted beyond reason, I hauled my new friends back to the tormented scrap of wasteland that I pretend is a back yard.
And they waded cheerfully and obliviously into the weeds and the blackberries - a goat heaven-on-earth !
They goats and I got on famously. We found each other mutually smelly and interesting, but without the torments of pride or passion.
And they waded cheerfully and obliviously into the weeds and the blackberries - a goat heaven-on-earth !
They goats and I got on famously. We found each other mutually smelly and interesting, but without the torments of pride or passion.
And they were wonderfully independent. I could leave them for days at a time, and they would scarcely notice that I had been absent.
But the minute I showed up, they would amble over to pay their respects. And chew me. Just a bit !
Life was good !
But the minute I showed up, they would amble over to pay their respects. And chew me. Just a bit !
Life was good !
Crazy Goat Lady
But no happiness lasts forever. Although spring came to summer, and summer came to autumn, and the goats and I experienced a transient bliss.
But then our peaceful world of blackberry brambles and chew-able shoe laces was threatened by a ghosts of evil long forgotten..... the Crazy Goat Lady , and the College of Physicians and Surgeons !!!!
But then our peaceful world of blackberry brambles and chew-able shoe laces was threatened by a ghosts of evil long forgotten..... the Crazy Goat Lady , and the College of Physicians and Surgeons !!!!
Irate phone calls began bombarding my medical office.
"Bring back my goats" said the goat lady
"They are my goats" says I
"Gimme back my goats" says she
"I bought them - they are my goats" says I
"I'll call the RCMP ! " says she
"Go ahead !!!" says I
"Bring back my goats" said the goat lady
"They are my goats" says I
"Gimme back my goats" says she
"I bought them - they are my goats" says I
"I'll call the RCMP ! " says she
"Go ahead !!!" says I
The RCMP got involved ...
Either good sense prevailed at the RCMP, or rambling goat rustlers were not a big priority.
The RCMP ignored me.
But hell hath no fury like a Crazy Goat Lady.
She kept tormenting my medical office.
"They are my goats !" said she
"Bite me " said I
"I'll call a lawyer" said she
"Go ahead" said I
The RCMP ignored me.
But hell hath no fury like a Crazy Goat Lady.
She kept tormenting my medical office.
"They are my goats !" said she
"Bite me " said I
"I'll call a lawyer" said she
"Go ahead" said I
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Goat lawyer !
Lawyers cost at least $200 / hour
My two goats cost me $15 each.
So, only a Crazy Goat Lady would go to a lawyer.
In seven minutes she would be loosing money !
But she turned out to be a Crazy Goat Lady !
She went to the fine legal firm of Taylor, Tait, and Ruley, in Mission, BC.
My two goats cost me $15 each.
So, only a Crazy Goat Lady would go to a lawyer.
In seven minutes she would be loosing money !
But she turned out to be a Crazy Goat Lady !
She went to the fine legal firm of Taylor, Tait, and Ruley, in Mission, BC.
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They have got to be kidding about this one ...
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There were legal implications...
Taylor, Tait, and Ruley are Good lawyers.
And sensible ones.
And Google-able, for those who think I am making this up !
The sagacious solicitors ignored the Crazy Goat Lady. Completely.
And ( I am relatively certain) at a good rate of reimbursement.
Serves the Crazy Goat Lady right !
And sensible ones.
And Google-able, for those who think I am making this up !
The sagacious solicitors ignored the Crazy Goat Lady. Completely.
And ( I am relatively certain) at a good rate of reimbursement.
Serves the Crazy Goat Lady right !
But Crazy Goat Ladies are crazy stubborn.
They go beyond cops and lawyers !
Mine called back with even more dire threats.
"I'll call the College of Physicians and Surgeons of BC" she said
"Go ahead" I said.
(The College of Physicians and Surgeons regulates medical standards. They don't do goats. Nor does the College of Dentists, nor the IWA, nor the Teamsters. )
Although apparently someone thinks pap smears and goats have a connection !
( But that is some one else's story to tell !)
They go beyond cops and lawyers !
Mine called back with even more dire threats.
"I'll call the College of Physicians and Surgeons of BC" she said
"Go ahead" I said.
(The College of Physicians and Surgeons regulates medical standards. They don't do goats. Nor does the College of Dentists, nor the IWA, nor the Teamsters. )
Although apparently someone thinks pap smears and goats have a connection !
( But that is some one else's story to tell !)
The RCMP has the good sense to ignore the complaint.
The local lawyers were wise enough to ignore the complaint.
The College of Physicians and Surgeons of British Columbia was wise enough to ignore .....
Whoops !!!!
Alas, here the tragedy of my tail (tale? ) truly begins .....!
The local lawyers were wise enough to ignore the complaint.
The College of Physicians and Surgeons of British Columbia was wise enough to ignore .....
Whoops !!!!
Alas, here the tragedy of my tail (tale? ) truly begins .....!
Show me where it says "goats" ! I dare ya !!!
It is called the College of Physicians and Surgeons.
Not the College of Physicians and Goats.
There is a reason why.
The College regulates physicians. Not goats !
Even if I was having an intimate relationship with the goats.
Plus - more importantly from their point of view - the goats where not patients of mine when I was not having an intimate relationship with them !
Not that I had any objection. It just never occurred to me. And those teeth are a wee bit intimidating !
Not the College of Physicians and Goats.
There is a reason why.
The College regulates physicians. Not goats !
Even if I was having an intimate relationship with the goats.
Plus - more importantly from their point of view - the goats where not patients of mine when I was not having an intimate relationship with them !
Not that I had any objection. It just never occurred to me. And those teeth are a wee bit intimidating !
Horse sex rules ! Literally !!!
Although the Irish are wee bit different anyway.
Apparently instead of getting a fancy hat and a big chair, Irish kings were "crowned" by having their virility demonstrated by having their subjects suck on their nipples and then observing them have sex with a horse !
As late as the end of the 12th century Geraldus Cambrensis reports that the kings of Clan Connaill continue to be inaugurated in the high style of their ancestors – by public copulation with a white mare."
– Thomas Cahill, How the Irish Saved Civilization,p135.
Apparently instead of getting a fancy hat and a big chair, Irish kings were "crowned" by having their virility demonstrated by having their subjects suck on their nipples and then observing them have sex with a horse !
As late as the end of the 12th century Geraldus Cambrensis reports that the kings of Clan Connaill continue to be inaugurated in the high style of their ancestors – by public copulation with a white mare."
– Thomas Cahill, How the Irish Saved Civilization,p135.
The College gives the "goat issue" due consideration . Seriously !!! For some reason I was initially shy about this and blanked my name out in the above FOI document
But I digress.
The College and the Crazy Goat Lady were after me and my goats !
They had meetings. Lots of meetings ! And sent letters....
Such as a preliminary review committee meeting.
In which they noted two things.
1) Even they agreed that goats were not their business
2) That the nefarious doctor involved ( meself, of course), had refused to respond to their letters. Which was true. Because I also agreed it was none of their business.
Which leads me to a curious question - if we both agreed that it was none of their business, why all the meetings and letters ?
The College and the Crazy Goat Lady were after me and my goats !
They had meetings. Lots of meetings ! And sent letters....
Such as a preliminary review committee meeting.
In which they noted two things.
1) Even they agreed that goats were not their business
2) That the nefarious doctor involved ( meself, of course), had refused to respond to their letters. Which was true. Because I also agreed it was none of their business.
Which leads me to a curious question - if we both agreed that it was none of their business, why all the meetings and letters ?
Buy a goat, yes. Rent a goat, never !
Rent-A-Goat ???
But the Crazy Goat Lady and her Crazy Goat Husband had a brilliant new legal strategy, designed to get their goats back.
Item one in their arsenal was that I had never really bought the goats - I had just "rented" them.
And that I therefore needed to bring them back. But not to the farm near Harrison Hot Springs, where I had "rented" them. To their new location, in Kelowna.
Crazy thinking. And it still doesn't make the goats a medical issue ! Plus I had eye witness statements that I definitely bought my goats.
But the Crazy Goat Lady and her Crazy Goat Husband had a brilliant new legal strategy, designed to get their goats back.
Item one in their arsenal was that I had never really bought the goats - I had just "rented" them.
And that I therefore needed to bring them back. But not to the farm near Harrison Hot Springs, where I had "rented" them. To their new location, in Kelowna.
Crazy thinking. And it still doesn't make the goats a medical issue ! Plus I had eye witness statements that I definitely bought my goats.
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Does this letter seem strange to anyone ?
Goat Psychotherapy
But the Crazy Goat Lady had another Crazy Goat Lady excuse for why my goats were a medical issue. She claimed she suffered from a severe anxiety. Resistant to medication.
Which could only be cured by talking to her goats !
So by denying her the goats, I was endangering her health.
( Which makes one wonder .... if they were necessary for her continued survival, why did she sell them to a complete stranger for $15 each ???
But the Crazy Goat Lady had another Crazy Goat Lady excuse for why my goats were a medical issue. She claimed she suffered from a severe anxiety. Resistant to medication.
Which could only be cured by talking to her goats !
So by denying her the goats, I was endangering her health.
( Which makes one wonder .... if they were necessary for her continued survival, why did she sell them to a complete stranger for $15 each ???
Now things got serious.
This was now an official medical complaint. With lawyers and committees and all sort of possible punishment ....including having my medical licence taken away forever.
All because of $30 worth of really ugly goats.
This was now an official medical complaint. With lawyers and committees and all sort of possible punishment ....including having my medical licence taken away forever.
All because of $30 worth of really ugly goats.
To make a long story short, I got a lawyer, he sent letters, my witnesses sent letters, I refused to give up my goats, and after deliberating the matter at two College Council meetings ( each involving a committee of about 30 people - with nothing better to do, apparently- than discuss goats), the College decided that I had indeed bought the goats. And that goats were really none of their business anyway. Finally !
Postscripts
1) Stupidity. This story is just stupid, in the " how could a bunch of smart people screwed things up so badly?" sort of way. But in tales to come, similar stupidity causes people to die !
Dr. Heidi Oetter, College Registrar
2) Boundary issues. Some time down the road, when my nerves had recovered, I write a letter to the College, asking the Chief Registrar, Dr. Heidi Oetter, if she thought that maybe the College had some boundary issues, and had wandered "outside their mandate" with the goats. She basically refused to answer, saying I should talk to my lawyer. Her letter is included below !
Dr. Heidi Oetter trying desperately to not admit that the goats were never any of her business !
Note that Dr. Oetter is famous for another burning controversy she once addressed - the fact that some surgeons liked to talk about hockey while operating .
You can see she has an eye for the big issues !
3) For the lawyers ( or Crazy Goat Ladies ) out there.
Here is some fine print for you.
You will notice that in providing actual documents, there are a few actual names and addresses shown in the above documents.
Which means that someone could possibly be sued for defamation for releasing the actual names.
You would think that someone would be me.
But look carefully. At the very first document, just at the top there are some handwritten numbers ...."4.3(c) and "S22(1)" . These refer to a section of the Privacy of Information Act, or something.
All of the above documents were obtained through a Freedom of Information request, and the College has blocked out the information that was supposed to be private, usually with a scribbled set of letters informing me which section of the act the were invoking. ( Incidentally, it was me who blanked out the goat ladies home phone number and fax number. But the College let it loose .....)
And I blanked out my own name in most places, mainly because people had me convinced for awhile that I had something to be ashamed of. But not any more .
So.....
The College could always sue itself OR ...
The Crazy Goat Lady could sue the College OR ...
Here is some fine print for you.
You will notice that in providing actual documents, there are a few actual names and addresses shown in the above documents.
Which means that someone could possibly be sued for defamation for releasing the actual names.
You would think that someone would be me.
But look carefully. At the very first document, just at the top there are some handwritten numbers ...."4.3(c) and "S22(1)" . These refer to a section of the Privacy of Information Act, or something.
All of the above documents were obtained through a Freedom of Information request, and the College has blocked out the information that was supposed to be private, usually with a scribbled set of letters informing me which section of the act the were invoking. ( Incidentally, it was me who blanked out the goat ladies home phone number and fax number. But the College let it loose .....)
And I blanked out my own name in most places, mainly because people had me convinced for awhile that I had something to be ashamed of. But not any more .
So.....
The College could always sue itself OR ...
The Crazy Goat Lady could sue the College OR ...
